Has anyone figured out the ideal way to place our attribute points for the different styles of monkly-ness?

I was wondering the same exact thing.  if VIT makes a big difference, I would probably max DEX and VIT.  Otherwise, I'm  going 50% DEX, 25% STR, 25% CON.

My build is totally group dps machine, i dont solo so i dont feel vit is much use to me. (and later on il be a raid dps)
So with that in mind i am Dragon style and my stats are dex/str/con in that order

For now being a Kojani human iam going 5dex/5str/4con each level. Iam not sure about the path, iam between dragon and harmonious. About the health regen in combat, iam not sure about how will be Vanguard in the end game, and i havent been playing beta , but in other games usually at the high end health regen isnt important. Maybe Vanguard implements new dynamics about high end encounters and health regen becomes important, we'll see...

Btw , i have read somewhere something about refund points, how does this work ? I mean , do u get the option  to redistribute ALL your attribute points again ?

Don't forget that one of the typically overlooked but extremely important role to you with Vitality: It not only boosts your regen, it also affects how much you get healed on a heal.  While Constitution is good for better resistances and higher resistances, you also want to make it easier on your healers by making their heals on you more efficient.

I'm not saying forego Vitality for Constitution or vice versa, but a wise decision would be to allocate some into each (to your tastes).  This will important in end game.  The more time people are healing you, the less time they're healing the tanks, etc.

In game tool tip for vitality says that it is for health and energy regeneration in combat. You mention stamina. I would love to see some evidence or links to support this. I am itching to put points in Vitality but as I am soloing 99% of the time, i need all the dex,str,con I can get.

 If you want to play harmonius or dragon style i would think look for mainly str, crit, and dex gear. Drunken style is different depending on how much of a tank you want to be dex and con would be more important.         

Attributes:
    *  Strength: Melee damage bonus, affects encumberance
    * Constitution: Determines hit points, grants resistance bonus
    * Dexterity: Affects melee critical hit rate, evasion
    * Vitality: Combat regeneration rate, power of healing spells, movement speed
    * Intelligence: Spell damage power, Counterspell, identifying spells and tactics
    * Wisdom: Maximum mana, spell critical hits, Counterspell, identifying spells and tactics

I will be rolling a Orc Monk, harmonius style when VG is released in aus(15th), pretty much monk only has 3 main stats that are needed, Str, Dex, Con. The effectivness of Vitality isnt something I know, someone will have to test a high vit build(I have a feeling it wont be very useful in comparison to increasing mitigation/hp through Con and dex), combat regen means it dosent help with downtime either, plus movement speed and power of healing isnt too helpful for a monk i would think vit is more of a bloodmage and any other healer type stat.
Int and Wisdom are useless. obviously unless you want to roleplay a genius monk
the following races automatically assign points into int/wis each level:
Dark Elf +2 int +1 wis
Raki +1 int
Half Elf +1 wis
Goblin +1 int
That leaves the option of choosing the human races ( Mordebi, Qaliathari, Kojani) with 14 allocated points  or Orc with +2 Str, +2 Con soft caps, therefore Human caps is Str: 6 Con: 6 Dex: 6 in comparison to Orc which has Str 7 Con: 7 Dex: 5. my allocation per lvl will be in total -
  Str:   1+2+4  = 7 maxed
  Con: 1+2+2  = 5 remainder
  Dex: 1+0+4  = 5 maxed
  Vit:   1          = 1
   Int    1          = 1
  Wis   1         = 1
  Total 6+4+10=20 per lvl
My order of attributes is  Str > Dex > Con > Vit.if you want to have more dex go Mordebi or Qaliathari. Kojani is overplayed and their racial isnt any good though kojani starting area is awesome. In the big picture race is hardly a factor +1 in a stat each lvl = +41 at lvl 50 out of the strong cap of 900 to each attribute. but i still dont see any point in choosing a int or wis race like i see so many ppl doing. The proper balance between base damage and crit% needs to be found if you want to focus on your dps.                         

One thing that I've noticed that people overlook about the Kojani Human racial is that it's targeted.  Typically racial abilities affect only oneself in most games.  Vanguard has not taken that approach and many racials affect the person's group or such.

Specifically, the Kojani Human doesn't have to use their racial on themselves, it can be used on someone else, which makes it much more powerful and gives it a lot more utility.